What the Person Who is in an Affair Wants You to Believe – Relationships – Affairs
How to Affair Proof Your Relationship
Gloria recently discovered that her husband of 31 years had been in an affair for a number of years. She felt betrayed, angry, and very scared. The most puzzling thing for her was that her husband was begging her not to end the marriage. Here are 5 myths to be aware of if you are person who has been betrayed.
If only you had “done this or that” the affair would not have happened
It is a typical initial reaction to put the blame for the affair on the other spouse. Keep in mind that the reasons your spouse got into an affair have to do with your spouse and not with you. There are many other ways that unhappiness in a marriage could have been addressed.
By the time a marriage has evolved into the married singles lifestyle they are each thinking more of their own well being than that of the relationship. Personal emotional survival and desire for happiness becomes the driving force. It is at this point that they become vulnerable to looking for the emotional and/or sexual connection outside of marriage.
The late Shirly Glass was a pioneer in the area of emotional affairs. In her 2003 book “NOT Just Friends: Protect your relationship from infidelity and heal the trauma of betrayal,” Glass identifies three red flags that indicate that you have progressed from a safe friendship to a romantic emotional affair.
1) You feel closer to your friend than you do your spouse.
You find yourself thinking of this person more and more often and looking forward to the next time you are together. When something happens during the day, the first person you think of telling is this friend, not your spouse.
2) Keeping secrets.
You no longer feel comfortable telling your spouse about this person. You begin to cover up so as not to be found out.
3) An increasing sexual tension.
Affairs are a jolt to a marriage. There generally have been cover-ups, deceitfulness, and lies before the couple starts dealing with the trauma of the affair. The task ahead for these married singles is to decide what they want to do about their marriage.
If they desire to stay together they will have to see if they can move from operating as married singles into a relationship where they feel emotionally connected. This will involve making a commitment to work towards that goal and being open to getting help with the process of regaining a loving relationship
Resource Author Francisco Rodriguez Higueras
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