Can You Save Your Relationship
You have probably encountered this, or know someone who has. One partner spends long hours at work, and the other partner does not feel like he is supportive or available. And at the same time the other person is fully occupied with caring for the kids, at the risk of being perceived as not addressing the needs of their partner.
Can this relationship be saved? Is it worth doing so?
We will assume here that each person does still want the relationship to succeed. That is not the reality always, and it is a terrible thing when one person wants to continue trying and the other has no interest.
It is frightening how many relationships are maintained just for the children, or for appearances, or for fear of being alone. I do not agree with the charade strategy – we all deserve completely satisfying relationships. Even if you are only still in the relationship for the kids, it is possible that spending some time working on the relationship can achieve an improvement.
The first requirement is for a deeply sincere commitment to hard work to improve things. The worst thing that can happen here is that a commitment is given which is not followed through upon. If the real mutual commitment exists, then there is a foundation upon which to work to try to improve the relationship.
Next, both of you must deeply explore the relationship, and identify the problem or problems that exist. There has to be total agreement on these. How can anybody be motivated to work on a problem they don’t acknowledge.
The real challenge is discovering what the real problems are. Many fall into the trap of identifying symptoms – and not the real issues. If a partner has been unfaithful you need to examine whether that is the real problem. The stark reality may well be that there is a lack of intimacy which needs to be addressed. It is possible that the infidelity is a symptom of a root issue and that a lack of intimacy is what is most important to address.
When the problems have been identified, they must be discussed and agreed upon if possible. This needs to be done in a constructive way. You will want to point out things that will be hurtful for your partner to hear. Same goes for your partner, they will be telling you things which you find hurtful. All must be revealed and discussed – do not hold back. Issues get surfaced and discussed sooner when both partners are open. Mind control games, and keeping score, is not the strategy to employ now. This time is better spent cooperating and seeing resolution in an understanding manner.
Only when there is agreement on the issues can an action plan be developed to deal with them. As this is a process, you must perform reality checks every now and then to make sure progress is being made. The relationship work must be spread out, so that both have work to do, and that both are seen to be doing work by the other.
There are no guarantees in life, but by following this approach, there is a good chance your relationship will improve.
The author operates My-Relationship-Fix.com where you can get more Get Ex Back advice.
